Rick Pearl Hall

Rick was born Ricky Pearl Hall on Dec.22, 1947 to Robert (Bob) & Millie (Grile) Hall

Rick was my Beloved Husband of 26 yrs. we were married Feb 6, 1982. We had our ups & downs like all couples but we were still very much in love. He touched my life and changed my world forever. We did everything together . He would still call me from work & say," I just called to say I Love you!" and He still called me his "loving Bride" after all these yrs.

He was a loving husband and a wonderful father to 3 grown daughters & a grown son .(He adopted my daughters Daphne & Sarah when they were 3 & 5). He said, "I want us to be a real family". And they loved one another dearly, He was the only Daddy they ever new.and the only Grandpa their children ever knew.
He had a daughter Melinda from a previous marriage & we had a beautiful daughter that was still born then we had our son Derrick . He was also a wonderful grandfather to 9 small grandchildren,which he left behind.

He was also the only sibling to his brother & a dear loving son to his Mother, who I know also misses him dearly. His father passed away July 31,1996 which bothered him deeply.

Rick also had several nieces, nephews, in-laws, family & friends, who loved him dearly. I never knew him to meet a real enemy. And I know they all miss him too & wonder how or why this happened, why he felt he had to take his own life. Was he really that sick , why didnt he go back to the doctor. I don't know, he acted happy most of the time. All I know is I love & miss him dearly.

He was a kind , fun loving, full of laughter, very opionated, honest family man. Yet, he was also a very private man, when it came to talking about family matters. He was also very proud of his family,& I know he loved us all very much.
I was always very proud of him & proud to be is wife, to be the mother of his children, to walk by his side, to hold his hand, to make love with him.... Just to hear his name, see his face or hear his voice made me smile.

He was a very intelligent man. He loved music any kind & could tell you who sang just about any song.He also played the guitar, Bluegrass was one of his favorites to play. That & Merle Haggard. We went to alot of Bluegrass Festivals when the kids were little.

He was also the most talented man I ever knew. He could build almost anything out of nothing. He was a heavy equipment mechanic & welder in the Military and that is what he did when he came home. He use to have his own welding Bussiness,and all the farmers & other Bussiness around here would come to him. He'd say,'They all draw chicken scratch & expect him to build it.". But he did ,He never ceased to amaze me.

He was Proud to be an American, & Proud of America, He was a very Proud Vietnam Veteran , he served in the U.S.Army 1967-68, he was also proud of his 11th Cav Blackhorse unit. ( He had that emblem tattooed on his arm) He was very very Patriotic. He visit the Vietnam Wall Memorial in DC 3 times. Went 3 times to see the moving Vietnam Wall and would go to Vietnam Veterans reunions in Kokomo whenever he could. And we went to a Veterans Reunion in Georgia a few yrs ago.

He would also march in our local parades with other honor gaurds from our American Legion post. And attend all the memorial & Veterans Day services.

He was a lifetime member of Thunder Run -The 11th Armored Cavalry's Veterans Of Vietnam & Cambodia Blackhorse Org. & a member of the NRA, the VFW (Veterans of Foriegn Wars ) & The American Legion.

Everything we did had something to do with the military. That was all he talked about. He always had a story to tell you about Vietnam if you would listen. He & other Nam Vets would sit at our local Legion Post all the time and exchange stories.
The first thing he would do when he got home (after computers of course,) was look at Veterans or military sites on the net.

All he ever watched were war movies & all of our vacations had something to do with the military. Either going to a mesuem, reunion, or visiting an Army buddy.
He collected guns,military items, he bought MRE's off the internet,and he drove a 1952 Willies Military Jeep.
One time he sent letters to some of our bussiness places in town & told them their flag was worn & ragged and should not be flown that way & told them they could leave their old ones at the American Legion Post to be properly disposed of & buy new ones there.
And if someone had a hat on when they sang the National Athem or played the Star Spangled Banner or something he would tell them to take it off.

Rick was probaly one of the many Vietnam Veterans who when the war broke out years ago in Desert Storm tried to re-enlist! Then he was in his 40's ,our kids were all still at home and he ran up over a $100.00 on our phone trying to re-enlist.He said, "he wanted to be on the winning side for a change". But everyone he talked to told him he was to old.

We went to the video shop a few months before he killed himself, he wanted to find something else to watch, we rented a couple movies & came home, but never watched them, he watched his same old "Tour Of Duty" & Mash army movies.that we'd watched the last 6 months.
War movies are about all we have because he would hardly ever watch anything else. So the kids were always getting them for him for Christmas.
The only movies that really bothered him was Platoon and I think "Good Morning America".He wouldn't talk to anyone for a week after he watched Platoon,I guess to was to much reality of Nam. and we walked out of the theater when we went to see Good Morning America.

He encouraged our son to join the Army when our son was 17.(he did & he did his tour in Bosnia)
But the war in Iraq really got to him. Like everyone else ,he worried about all our military people.
But naturally worried a little more about the local boys over there. WE, were so releived when our sons time was up, just before they sent our locals to Iraq and our son didnt have to go.
He kept saying, he thought it was going to be " another Vietnam all over". It really really bothered him.
We were both very much involved with the American Legion in our town.
The American Legion was kinda like our family.
I worked there and held the Office as President of the Aux. a year & 1st. Vice for about 5yrs. Our Daughter was a Past President. Our Son was a Past 1st. Vice of the SAL. It's kinda how they were raised I guess, that was our home away from home.

Rick held alot of different offices at our American Legion, both 1st & 2nd Vice Commander, Trustee, and was the Commander twice.He was also the Commander at the time of his death.

He was always trying to find ways to "Support our troops. He'd say," when the boys were in Nam they never got any Support from Americans back home, and those lucky enough to make it back were treated terrible.They were called "baby killers, etc".
He said, his momma sent him a Christmas tree when he was in Nam & when he left, he left the tree for the new guys that were gonna be there come Christmas. He said, " the only packages they got were from the Mamma's or girlfriends."

Our Legion Post sent several care packages when he was the Commander , We put on a benifit auction & raised $2500.00 for our troops . And we alone were always sending care packages that He paid for, but he would send them % the American Legion. He'd say ,"its ok, it's for our troops & also makes our post look good." So besides all the care packages we sent to Iraq we also sent a small Christmas tree to a soldier we didnt know, along with the story of how he left his.

All the American Legion Posts have been really hurting lately, since they are non-profit clubs they are hurting finacially. Most of them stayed open by the use of illegal gambling machines.Which is what they paid their bills with, because they donated pretty much all their other money to local & state organizations.The club got busted his 2nd or 3rd week in Command and they started going down hill.

We spent alot of our time there the last 15 yrs. He was an officer of some kind almost that whole time.
He was so afraid they were going to have to close there doors soon.
And when a club is hurting the Commander in charge always takes the flack. He paid for a couple bands out of his pocket & one day they sold breakfast ticket to raise money for the club, he bought about $60.00 worth & passed them out to his buddies at work. I know he was always donating money up there. The commanders have always gotten their drinks & meals free, but he usually always paid for his, he said. he wasnt takin' anything from the club.

He had that place on his mind constantly and deep in his heart, it worried him to no end.I know it drove him crazy trying to figure out ways to keep it open & with the lack of help.
So as much help & time as I donated up there, he would get up set with me sometimes ,when I wouldnt work for free.I'd tell him they paid all their other help more than me, and we needed the money too.

He would say," where are our service men & women gonna go when they get home if they closed the doors ?"
He said, " he wasnt gonna be around to see the place close.
Well Rick, there still not doing well, but they are still open.
He only had 3 weeks left at his term as Commander & he could have been out of that club. He said, " I cant wait to get out of there & get my life back," But then he started talking about running for another office.

I tried to get him to let it go, To get away from that place, to get his welding bussiness started again, ( he use to love to do that ).To get his life back! Our life back. I tried to get him to go away awhile on vacation. And he'd say, "We'll see", then he'd say, " we cant go anywhere, because he had to be at that damn post everyday." I kept trying to tell him, thats why they had other officers too, so one person didnt have to do it all .But he wouldnt listen.

I should have been able to see this coming,I probaly knew him better than anyone. He never made a threat or promise he never kept, except always being here for me.I just didn't know what to do. I do know I could NEVER have gotten all his guns out of our house..
But he would talk in circles, one day it would be about suicide & the next it would be about gettin' out of that club and getting his life back & starting his welding bussiness up again.
Then he would visit ( that's what he would say when he wanted to talk with someone "Lets visit". he would "visit" with some of his friends, and tell them to take care of me when he was gone. They just never caught on either I guess.

He told me one night about a year before that he was gonna do that. He said, "Don't worry mom, you wont find me, I'll call somebody just before I pull the trigger.I was suppose to go to work that night, but I didn't want to leave him alone so I called in & lost my job.I did mention that incident to a few people, but I guess they didnt take it serious either or just didnt know how to help.

We were suppose to take a trip last summer to see his Army buddy in Pa. when he got out of office at the legion post . So he bought a new truck two weeks before his death, well not new , but new to us, he said we needed something nice to drive. He e-mailed his buddy telling him about how nice it was, Then one day he said, he should have put my name on it too, in case something happens to him".
I just said, "nothings gonna happen to you, will you please quit talking like that." And to stop talkin' suicide, I said, please Babe don't make me a widow".

A couple weeks before he died , he took a 1/2 day vacation from work so we could spend a little time together. We end up out in his garage & I helped him arrange his stuff & clean it out since we just moved here. We had fun & I laughed at him when he hit his head on something out there. I use to help him in the garage all the time. I Didn"t mind because I still got to spend time with him. Our times together were always my favorite time of day.

Our daughter use to get upset with me,she would call & say what ya doin today mom ? And I would always say , "I gotta ask dad'. She'd say,"I didn't ask what he was doin?" But he and I were always together.I did'nt do much without him.

We always had fun together. Whether He was playing music, going to races ,( he used to race) camping ,boating, fishing ,rideing motorcycles,going mushroom hunting,target practicing with his guns, working in the garage, takeing trips,splitting wood, hanging out with friends.
Or playing cards together, We got snowed in at our woods a couple yrs ago, just us, we must have played a million games of double solitaire, so we played strip poker & I always lost.He'd laugh & say, "Look at us, a couple old folks playing strip poker!

We even had fun building our house together in the woods. Even tho he got mad at me one day when he was running a wire through the house, he was on the outside & I was on the inside & he told me to keep pulling on it and I pulled it all the way through. He threw his hammer across the room & I cried.He said, " you dumb ol' woman , now we gotta do it again.
I have so many memories, but that place was our special place. We loved it there, because everything that was done there we done together..I could go on & on.
Rick, remember when you made me lift you up in the bucket of that back hoe or somethin & I didnt wanna cause I didnt know how to run it? Then I wouldnt let you down. You kept pointing toward the ground & I kept laughing at you & shaking my head no.

And when I teased you ,because you bought me a file for my chainsaw for our Anniversary that first year at the woods. You said, well," I knew it was something you needed,then you rented a roto tiller & said that was my Mothers Day present , and when I put gas in my chainsaw & when I broke the rope you accused me of doing it on purpose to get outa work.

I remember when you dug our pond, your goal was to have it dug my Memorial Day, and it rained for 2 or 3 weeks, you about caught pnenomia but you got it dug. We had to pump all the water out so you could finish, then we had to pump water back in.


I thought we had the perfect life.
Im not a doctor but I think he suffered from PTSD or something.he was always really jumpy like he was on guard or something every since I met him.The kids use to wake him up with a yard stick.

Rick became very depressed a couple yrs ago. When he lost his job, due to the company closing. Which I think made him sick. Thats when he seemed to change.

Rick was a proud man he has always takin care of his family, never liked to ask anyone for anything, and it seemed everything went wrong. He had a hard time finding a job @ 58 yrs. old. He got a job with the County as a heavy equipment mechanic, about a yr later, which he didnt like besides taking a $10.00 an hour cut in pay .

Our car & our truck both quit running, we had to junk them both.couldnt afford to fix them. Which just left us his 1952 jeep to drive, His buddy lent us a truck which he didnt want to borrow but we drove for a year. bills piled up, we had to sell our home.
It seemed everything we owned either broke down, quit working or we had to pawn it for cash. He sold tools and alot of his gun collection, that broke my heart to..
He was going to pawn one of his guns one day,and I knew he would never get it back.. so while he was gone I pawned it. He threw a fit at first, but I traded something I owned to get it back for him.I would have done anything for him.

He had a big heart & would help anyone if he could.
But he apparently had a problem I couldn't help him with. I don't think he really wanted to die even though he talked about it for about a year.

In my eyes he was still perfect. But I think he started feeling like a failure. He was just tired, depressed about that damn club, losing our home in the country,the war, the ecomony,his job he & thought he was sick.

When he lost his job that's when the talks of suicide started. He began saying he thought he had Agent Orange.( Agent Orange is an illness contracted from a chemical they sprayed in Vietnam.)
We had a still born daughter 25 yrs ago & he blamed himself for that, we also have a son with Spinal Bifia in his back ( he's very healthy), but my husband was told that was a sign of Agent orange passed down from someone who had contact from it. So he blamed himself for that too.

He drew a picture of an Orange a few weeks before he died & put their names on it & said, " I'm sorry". He said, "He messed up his kids ". I kept telling him if he did have Agent Orange it wasnt his fault, & not to worry about our son he was fine.

He found a magazine that listed some symthoms of it, I think he did have some of them. He started getting cysts in different places. He couldn't or wouln't eat, lost weight (& he wasnt very big anyway).Said he was always tired, along with some other problems.. So I did get him to go to the Veterans Hospital once but they just treated him for Depression & he wouldnt go back.

Everyone told him he could draw Veterans disability, but he said, " he went to war & did his patriotic duty & he didn't want anything, (he thought that would be a hand out)& he wasn't taken any hand outs.

He said he wasn't gonna be around here & be sick. He had a buddy die of Agent Orange. He wasn't gonna put ME through that,I didnt't deserve that.
God if he only knew what I'm going through now. I have always been here for him and would have forever been by his side. I would have taken care of him no matter what.

He was also upset about the goings on in the world. He listened to the news every morning. Bank foreclosures, school shootings, no jobs, the was on terrisim,the ecomomy, you name it, he said we were heading for another depression . He said it scared him for his children and grandchildren.

We end up having to sell our home in the woods, which we built together,lived in for 14 years and he Loved dearly. He always said, he was never gonna move that he was gonna die there. But we did move into town & he hated it here.

He said, he bought our home in town for ME, so I wouldn't be stuck in the country by myself when he was gone.
I guess he didn't realize it takes love to make a home & there isn't love here without him. It's just a place to come too when I have no where else to go now.

I thought when we got moved and settled in our new home and he got out of that club everything would be okay. We finally got back on our feet,we had money from selling our house, he bought a new truck,and even tho he didnt like his job we both had jobs. But he didnt hang around that long ,almost 3 short months. we moved here Jan. 18th & he killed himself Apr.13th.

The night he committed suicide we had a, "House Warming Party". Before the party started , he called me in his computer room. He was on his 11th Cav web site where they list all absent ( deceased) comrades since Vietnam. He said," when I'm gone , promise me you'll put me on this web page." I told him I knew to do that, he's told me that a hundred times.And again I told him, he wasn't going any where. Later when our daughter came over he showed her the web page & told her the same thing.

At the party everyone was drinking , playing eucher & having a good time. Afterwards, one of his buddies was the only person left & I had to take em' home. I tried to get him to let him spend the night.

(He never liked me to drive when I'd been drinking and he was always bringing someone home to spend the night that was to drunk to drive or had no where to go.)But he said," no, take em home".

He told me before I left he didn't feel well, that he felt funny, and I kinda teased him , like we always teased each other, I said, "what all did you drink tonight Ol' man?" I said, I'll be right back, don't you have a heart attack on me".

While I was gone he made a phone call to our daughter & it upset her, so when I returned home our son-in-law was there. We got into a little bit of an argument. I said,"lets stop I don't want no one gettin' hurt." While our son-in-law & I were in our living room my dear husband came out of our bedroom Stood in our dining room & shot himself with a 357mag.he bought to protect our family!

I was & still am horrified & in shock.I will never forget that as long as I live. My whole life was shattered and gone in a second.I still see that every day, I walk past that spot in my house a million times a day.

I think he had that night planned, he finally decided this was it, this was the night.
I worked that day and I tried to cancel that party but he wouldn't let me. I think to him, that was his night to say Good-bye to everyone there. I believe he called our daughter & got our son-in-law there so I wouldn't be there alone when he did that.

He was my whole life, my husband, my best friend, my soul mate. He was a funny crazy man that made me laugh, He'd always say to me " I love to see you laugh". but when he was serious he'd always point to his eyes & say, "look at me " right here in the eyes, "let's visit"! He knew me better than I know myself.

Rick was 10 yrs. older than me so he was kinda my teacher, he seemed to always have the answers when I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I always believed in him and he believed in me.

I loved his smile and the way he would look at me and tell me everything was gonna be ok. He was my rock during troubled times, like when our daughter died, my brother was murdered, our twin grandsons died & when my daddy died.
He still called me his "loving Bride" after all these yrs. As long as my heart beats I will love him. he will forever be in my heart and on my mind.

Rick, & I were suppose to renew our wedding vows on our 25th Anniversary, he always teased me & said, "I married you once, that was enough".But he quit kidding & said ok. And then I changed my mind because our son couldnt be there due to military drill & I wanted the girls to stand up with me & our son to stand up there with him.. I wish so much we would have went ahead & done it. But I thought maybe we could've renewed them when we hit our 30th. But he took that away from me too.

Rick I know you loved me , I also know you knew I love you. But you meant so much more to me than I think you ever realized. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you everyday just how much I Love you. But people get so caught up in everyday life & I guess they take one another for granted. How I wish I had just one more chance to show and tell you I love you and how important you are to me, to all of us.

Do you remember the video with our pictures I made for you a few years ago for our anniversary? You left me a note & said you watched the video over & over you said, " I hung onto you in those pictures like you were my life, then you said I was your life too. You were my life babe . I still have the note, I carry it in my billfold.
I lost the picture of the rose you drew me on that napkin at the legion for our last anniversay though.It was on my desk & after you shot yourself it got threw out when they cleaned our house.
I finally got my purse back that was stolen & I salvaged that card you got me when we were dating that I carried all those years.

We played the video I made you of your life with you, our family & friends that you liked so much at your funeral. Of course the funeral home made another one since we had a couple more grandkids that werent in it.
I also did as I promised I got ahold of the 11th cav Blackhorse magazine & asked them to please put you on their web site along with all the other Vietnam comrades that are now deceased.

I also called Mac, & he was here to be a pall bearier & carry you your last few steps like you have always asked me to. He gave me 2 real nice blackhorse magnets for the doors of your truck, they look really nice on there. You would like them.

I got us a monument together, so someday I can be by your side again. We had the military plaque put on your stone like you earned.You had your 21 gun salute like you wanted & I got your folded flag that they give the widows.
Wait a minute...All this is so hard to tell you, I cant keep the tears outa my eyes

I dont know how many pall beariers your suppose to have but think you really had more than were needed, but we got your friends that you always said you wanted to carry you. Mac, Big Bob, Jobe,Brett, Homer, Mikie & Kyle helped & Dalton & Terry W , fell in there somewhere to help.
Melinda & her mom came down for the viewing,She finally got to see you one last time, she had your grandson Malachi with her, he is a real cutie.She couldnt stay for the funeral tho, she had to get back to little James.
You even had the whole Police force at your funeral!I think they came in respect for Derrick & your dad, but they were there.

The American Legion put on a dinner for the family, took up donations and even put on a benifit auction to help with expences,& Steve donated karaoke, you would have been surprised.

Your son doesnt talk about you much to me, he doesnt wanna upset me I guess, he just keeps sayin, "It'll be all right momma." I know he's still hurt and madder than hell at you for doing this to us..to him, for leaving him without a dad. He copes by staying busy, all he does is work. He did get drunk a couple times right after you killed yourself,and you know he doesnt drink!

I remember you were so upset when your dad died. Afterwards you kept saying man,I wish dad was here so I could ask his advise on this or that.How could you have done that to your son?? Who is your son suppose to go to now? Larry Mann said he could talk to him anytime, he knows what he is going though because his dad done the same thing, but I dont think Derrick talks to anyone.He just keeps everything bottled up inside. He adored you, loved you, believed in you and looked up to you, and you broke his heart too along with everyone else that loved you.

Damn you, I had to call and tell your brother, do you know how hard that was? And he had to go tell your mom. I couldnt tell our kids Roxanne did that.
Daph went crazy when she came back to our house that night trying to get in to see you and I had to go to the police station & tell them about our whole night....

Damn it You promised me you would always be here for me! You cheated me, you cheated us, you deserted me. You had no right to take your own life, you didnt just destroy your life, you destroyed mine too.
I found a note where you said,"I didn't deserved having a sick husband around to take care of." I didn't deserve this Rick. You are the only one that's not hurtin' anymore!

I can almost hear your voice, almost see your face, almost feel your warmth...But almost just isnt good enough, I wanted you, I need you! Without you here the days are lonely and the nights are endless.I use to admire the way you use to embraced life and the way you embraced me. I never knew love before I knew you.
Thank you for teaching me what it means to truley love and be loved.Our love was gentle as an angels kiss, soft as starlight,endless and eternity, you are my one , my only, my always,
Without you I have an empty space in my heart and my life, My memories of you now fill the empty spaces in my heart, I wish you were here to fill the empty spaces in my arms.
Without you I am nothing. I will always love & miss you. You have my heart and soul. I believe Love is eternal, the aspect may change, but not the essence, I believe in love & I believe in us.

You changed everyone who loved you's life somehow..Mine, your kids,they no longer have a dad, your moms,she lost her son , your brothers,he is now an only child,your grandkids are now without a grandpa. Friends,

Oh God Rick,if you only knew how many lives you touched. You use to tell me, "most people come in this world and never leave a mark," you wanted to leave some kind of mark. You said, "No on will ever even know or miss you when your gone"...
You left a mark my Darling, maybe not in the whole world, but you left one in my world, and everyone elses that knew and loved you. And we all know your gone and we miss you terribly.

Rick,I love you, sometimes I hate you, I miss you & I am mad as hell at you, I hate what you did to us.I don't know what to do. They say people can die of a broken heart, but I dont believe that or I would have been gone months ago.

I know you have always been proud of your son, but you would have been very proud of him after you killed yourself. He is alot like you, he can handle just about anything.
He was at our home when they carried you out of our house. He also made the arrangements for Aftermath to come in our house & clean up your mess. And they all helped with funeral arrangements.You always told me if anything happened to you I wouldnt know where to begin with our bills, you were right but Daph has been helping me with that.

God Rick, why did you have to do this to us?
I needed you, I still need you. I knew you would die this way. But I wasn't ready to give you up yet.I never wanted to lose you. I wish I could have saved you, or you would have taken me with you. All I am now is an empty shell.

Ya know most people worry about material things in life. They want this or that. But none of that matters to me anymore. I don't even care about me.. The only thing I care about is our family.

Rick, I miss your voice, your laughter, your smile, your silliness, your cheesy mustache, your jokes, your scent, I miss your being here, I miss our talks. I even miss you throwing things on the floor & cluttering up the coffee table.
I miss the funny faces we'd make at each other when we didnt have our teeth in. You'd say,"look at us, just old folks".I miss working in the yard with you, remember what we did when we use to ride around on our mowers?

I miss those dumb looks you'd always give me when I done or said something really stupid, which seemed to be quite often, cause you'd say, " you dumb ol' 'woman ", I miss that.I even miss you calling me a cheatin' bitch when we played eucher.( of course you'd always say , you said that with love mom "!) and I miss you calling me you loving Bride,and I miss you telling me,"It'll be alright mom".

I miss making love with you,I miss your kisses, the warmth of your body next to mine, I miss you holding me,& laying next to me. I miss visiting you at work or
taking you lunch, I miss you calling me from work & sayin " I Love You Mom", I miss having our coffee together in the morning, watchin the news together,I miss my eucher partner, our drives in the country. I miss working with you in the garage, our cookouts, Our music trivious we'd have, I miss cooking for you.
I miss hearing you play your guitar & singin' with you. I miss Dancing with you & doing the
jitter bug. I miss you teasing me when I tried to sing Karaoke ( asking me if I had a bucket to carry that tune in )even tho I dont do much karaoke anymore. I miss my friend.

But I love the memories you have given me. I didnt want memories, I only wanted you..but I thank God for the 27 years we had together, and I will treasure those memories until I take my last breath. No one
can take them away, Well,no one but God, he has a funny way sometimes. I hate the fact that one of those memories I'll carry til I die is that of your death, the way you chose to end you own life.

God must have really needed an angel bad. They say, "he only takes the best." Because that's what you were here on earth to me, the best, you were my angel. I hate to be selfish, but God has alot of angels, I needed you here with me more.

I know your in heaven with God now. You told me one time that it was against Gods rule for someone to take there one life, that if they did they would not get into heaven.
In life's paths we all go astray now & then, but God knew you were a good man, he knew you believed in him. He knew you read the bible he has heard you recite things from it. Only God can judge you now,and I heard," God judges from the heart." I believe he knew how much pain you must have been in & he forgave you.
I hope someday I can forgive you too. Not a day goes by I don't think about you. You are the last thing on mind mind before I fall asleep & the first thing on my mind when I wake. You will be forever be in my heart & mind and you will be missed by all of us.

If Anyone out there has a loved one talking suicide Please, Please listen to them, get them help.I pray no one ever has to endure the heartache, pain & agony my family has went through. If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal.Talk to the person about your concern. Call 911 or your local emergency medical number, a suicide crisis hotline, the person's therapist. Anyone you think might be able to help.Don't leave the person alone.

If the person with depression lives in your home, make it a safer place - or at least a less likely place to attempt suicide. Try to remove or lock up
firearms, other weapons and medications.

They say depression is one of the most common health conditions in the world. Depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out of." Depression, is a medical illness, It affects how you think and behave and can cause a variety of emotional and physical problems.

People with depression are at an increased risk of committing suicide. Don't always expect to see warning signs of suicide.Some people keep their thoughts of suicide secret or deny having suicidal intentions.. And many who consider or attempt suicide do so when you thought they should be feeling better - during what may seem like a recovery from depression, for instance. That's because they may finally muster the emotional energy to take action on their suicidal thoughts.

Common warning signs of suicide:
Talking about suicide, making statements as "I'm going to kill myself," "I wish I were dead"
Securing the means to commit suicide, getting a gun or stockpiling pills
Withdrawing from social contact, mood swings,
Being preoccupied with death, dying or violence
Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Changing normal routine, including eating or sleeping patterns
Engaging in risky or self-destructive behavior, using drugs or driving recklessly
Giving away belongings or getting affairs in order
Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again
Developing personality changes

Male depression may not be as widely recognized as female depression,therefore men with depression may go undiagnosed.
As a man, may be reluctance to discuss depression symptoms. they may not be open to talking about their symptoms, especially emotions and feelings, This means they may not get properly diagnosed or treated for male depression.
Seeing mental illness as a threat to their masculinity. They may have learned to place an emphasis on independence, competitiveness, emotional stoicism and self-control. They may think it's "unmanly" to express feelings and emotions associated with depression and instead try to suppress them. But whatever means, get them help.

It's to late to save my Dear Husband now, I didnt know the signs, or maybe I just didn't see them. Maybe if I'd listened with my heart & not my ears or looked a little deeper in his eyes I would have saw his pain was real. But if our story can save another persons life , maybe he didnt die in vain .

"I Will Love You Forever Rick"

Rick Hall's " Loving Bride"


Songs on this site--

One Kiss for old times sake--played @ his funeral

Rick playin music and him & Our Son Derrick singing when Derrick was around 6years old

I Still Miss You

I"ll Go To My Grave Loving You

I"ve Got Too Much On My Heart

It Only Hurts For A Little While

My Only Love

America, You"ve Been Like A Mother To Me

I"ve Loved You The Best I Know How

Always Wanting You--played @ his funeral

My Favorite Memory--played @ his funeral

Unchained Melody--played @ his funeral

He Aint Heavy, He"s My Brother--Nam song

The Fighting Side Of Me

Copperhead road --one of his favorites

Hello Vietnam--Rick was very proud of his service in Nam)

Go Rest High On That Mountain